Days 2–7

Before we get into the options, it's important for you to verify who has the legal authority to make decisions on how to lay your loved one to rest (the legal term is "disposition").

LEGAL AUTHORITY FOR BODY CARE (DISPOSITION)

In most U.S. states, next-of-kin (the closest living blood relative or legally recognized family member) has the legal authority to make disposition decisions in a defined order of priority.

Typical legal authority priority order (varies by state):

1. The person named in the advance directive or pre-arranged funeral contract (depending on the state, this can override family)
2. Surviving spouse or domestic partner
3. Adult children (majority vote if multiple)
4. Parents of the deceased
5. Siblings

Disagreement between family members about everything from disposition options to burial location to service type are very common and can spiral quickly. If this is happening and you need support, you may want to consult with an estate attorney for mediation.

BURIAL, CREMATION, AND MORE: UNDERSTANDING YOUR OPTIONS

The summaries below are designed to help you compare the most common body care options based on what they are, why families choose them, and important considerations for each.

Considerations:

Their wishes: If the person who died left written wishes or had a pre-paid plan, those should guide this decision. If not, this is yours to make—and there is no wrong answer.

State laws:

• Each state has its own laws on which types of body care (disposition) and related processes are permitted. Check the laws in your area, and speak with a licensed professional like a funeral director, estate planning attorney, or your local county clerk or registrar to make sure you understand what's legal in your area.

Costs:

• Your rights - The Funeral Rule, enforced by the FTC, makes it possible for you to choose only the goods and services you want (i.e., you don't have to buy a bundled package) and to compare prices among funeral homes.
• Know what kind of experience you want - A low advertised price doesn't always mean a lower total cost. Decide what kind of experience you want, then ask each provider what their price actually covers and what it leaves for you to arrange on your own. For example, a direct cremation can cost more once you're arranging everything yourself, while a full-service funeral home includes coordination and administrative support. It's easy to miss these nuances when you compare sticker prices.
• National average funeral costs - Full service burial or cremation is more expensive ($5-9k) than direct/immediate burial or cremation ($2-5k). But, these costs can vary widely by state and specific services. See average funeral costs across the U.S. here.

Veteran status:

Eligible U.S. military veterans of any branch in any era may be entitled to burial benefits at no cost, including:

• Burial in a national or state veterans cemetery (including plot, opening/closing fee, and liner)
• A burial allowance if not using a national cemetery (amount varies by circumstances)
• A Presidential Memorial Certificate
• A U.S. flag for the casket (presented to next of kin)
• A government-furnished headstone, marker, or medallion

Contact the Veterans Affairs National Cemetery Scheduling Office at 1-800-535-1117 or coordinate with your funeral director.

• Certificate of Release or Discharge from Active Duty (DD-214) will be needed. If you cannot locate it, you can request one from the National Archives. This takes time, so begin the process right away if needed.

"Green" or eco-friendly: While some methods are marketed as eco-friendly, the reality is that there are many "shades of green." You can select eco-friendly materials, methods, and processes within any of the options below to make it the right "shade of green" for you and your person.

Options for body care:

Burial

What it is:

• Places the body into the ground or a structure like a mausoleum, typically in a cemetery. Your loved one can be buried in a metal, wood, or biodegradable casket, a shroud, or a vault.
• Direct/Immediate Burial is an option for a burial without formal viewing, visitation, or ceremony with the body present, except for a graveside service.
• Green Burial, sometimes called natural burial is a specific process that: does not involve chemical embalming (if embalming is required, greener methods are used), uses a biodegradable container with no burial vault, and buries the body at a hybrid, natural, or conservation cemetery. Learn more here.
• Home Burial may also be an option if you meet the state, local, and other legal requirements, which allows you to bury the body on a private residential or agricultural property. Learn more here.

Why some families choose it:

• Gives loved ones a place to visit.
• They can be buried close to other loved ones.
• Direct/Immediate Burial can be a more affordable option, depending on the experience families are seeking. Some families also choose it for the flexibility to plan a memorial service or gathering at a later time.

Shades of green:

• Many funeral homes offer a variety of eco-friendly material options to choose from, including biodegradable caskets and shrouds, for a more eco-friendly burial.
• A green or natural burial can be selected by working with a funeral home and cemetery who can follow the specific process for a more eco-friendly burial.
• Cemeteries can be a thriving sanctuary for wildlife, especially in cities and other more densely populated areas.

Cremation

What it is:

• Uses heat to reduce the body to ashes (cremated remains), which can be kept, scattered, or buried.
• Direct/Immediate Cremation is an option for cremation without a viewing, visitation, or ceremony.
• Witnessed Cremation allows for loved ones to be present when the cremation begins and, in some cases, through the duration of the cremation which can take several hours. Ask your cremation provider about the options they have available.

Why some families choose it:

• Can be a more affordable option, depending on what kind of experience you want.
• They want to keep the ashes nearby and/or scatter them in a meaningful location.
• Direct/Immediate Cremation can be a more affordable option, depending on the experience families are seeking. Some families also choose it for the flexibility to plan a memorial service or gathering at a later time.

Shades of green:

• Considered more eco-friendly than burial in traditional metal or treated wood caskets.

Aquamation (also called water cremation or alkaline hydrolysis)

What it is:

• Uses water and alkali rather than flame. Note that this method is not legal in every state; see an up-to-date list of where it's legal here.

Why some families choose it:

• A more eco-friendly alternative to cremation.

Shades of green:

• Considered more environmentally gentle than cremation.

Natural organic reduction (human composting)

What it is:

• The body is placed in a vessel with organic materials to encourage and accelerate natural decomposition. The process takes one to two months, after which the nutrient-rich soil remains are returned to the family.
• Legality varies by state; see the latest information by state here.

Why some families choose it:

• Symbolic "circle of life" for their remains to provide nutrients to a home garden, memorial tree, or other meaningful place.

Shades of green:

• Seen as a more eco-friendly alternative to traditional burial or cremation, as it does not emit greenhouse gases and eliminates chemicals entering the earth.

Body donation

What it is:

• The body is given to a medical school or research institution at no cost. The institution handles final disposition and may return cremated remains after a period of time.

Why some families choose it:

• Seen as a way to give back to the community and contribute to science.

Shades of green:

• Many programs use cremation, which is considered more eco-friendly than traditional burial in a metal or treated wood casket.
• Some programs allow families to request an eco-friendly option for the body at the end of its use in the studies (typically at the expense of the donor or their family).

The "right" kind of service is whatever feels right for your person and the people who loved them.

Who gets a say in the format. It's common for several family members to be involved in the planning, or even a small committee. Make sure the executor of the will or the next-of-kin is involved—they have legal authority. Consider the family and friends whose endorsement matters, and who knew your person well enough to advocate for their wishes.

Timing. You might feel pressure to move quickly, assuming the gathering must happen at the same time as the burial or cremation. It doesn't have to. Many families hold a small, private service at the time of burial or to spread ashes, and then a memorial or celebration of life weeks or months later.

Tone and type. No matter what you call your event, it's up to you how you want it to feel. Each type has a general definition and expectations for venue, timing, and tone. Break the rules if you want to. Follow their wishes when you can. Make it theirs. And yours.

Traditional funeral — a ceremony with the body present. Includes an indoor visitation or viewing, formal service at a funeral home or place of worship, and a graveside service.

• Venue: Funeral home or place or worship
• Timing: Within the first week after a death
• Tone: Somber, formal

Graveside service — a brief, intimate gathering outside at the burial or interment site only. You can opt to have just this service, or it can follow a traditional funeral.

Memorial service — a more traditional and structured gathering to mourn and remember the person's life. The body is not usually present.

• Venue: Funeral home, place or worship, or any event space
• Timing: Typically within 1-4 weeks, but timing is flexible
• Tone: Reflective, structured, can be somber, uplifting, or both

Celebration of life — a more casual gathering celebrating the person's life and personality. The body is not usually present.

• Venue: Just about anywhere—a favorite restaurant, outdoor space, or other meaningful location
• Timing: Any time—weeks or months later if needed, allowing more time for planning, customization, out-of-town travel, and venue booking availability
• Tone: Uplifting, celebratory, casual

Private family gathering — a small, informal gathering with no public announcement. Chosen by families who prefer privacy or simplicity.

You can choose to have any combination of these services, or none at all. What you decide will depend on your specific situation, budget, timing, and preferences. It's helpful to have an idea of the experience you want before you reach out to vendors.

When you're ready to plan your event, go to steps that start with "Planning a gathering" for detailed guidance—selecting a venue, choosing a florist, and more.

You've explored your options for body care. You've decided on or are starting to form an idea of the experience you want for a service or gathering. Now, you're ready to reach out to providers.

The provider you choose for body care (funeral, cremation, or other) will be your partner for the next several days, possibly weeks, to guide you through some important steps. In most cases, they will:

• Take custody of and care for the body (if the body is elsewhere, it can be transported to your provider of choice for a fee)
• File the death certificate with the state, order copies, and notify the Social Security Administration (you should confirm with the provider that they will handle)
• Coordinate with the cemetery or cremation facility, if applicable
• Coordinate additional services like a funeral, memorial, or celebration of life, if applicable

What to look for:

• Licensed and in good standing with your state. You can search for their license in your state here.
• Transparent pricing (the FTC Funeral Rule requires them to give you a price list)
• Willing to answer questions without pressure to make any purchases

What to ask when you call:

• Are you available to take custody of the body today?
• Can you send me your general price list?
• When can we schedule an arrangement conference?

You've chosen your funeral home. Now it's time for the arrangement conference, where you'll make key decisions about the services and care you're looking for. It's also a chance for you and the funeral home staff to get to know each other, and for them to learn about your loved one.

Typically, the funeral home will ask you to bring:

• Your loved one's Social Security number
• A recent photo of them (for the obituary and other materials)
• An outfit for burial or cremation (if applicable)
• If applicable, the pre-arrangement contract or any written wishes

Your rights: the FTC's Funeral Rule helps you make informed decisions during a difficult time

• Access to a general price list before agreeing to anything (on their website and if you ask for it)
• Choose only the goods and services you want (don't feel pressured to buy a package)
• They can't refuse to or charge you for using a casket bought elsewhere

Decisions you'll make during the meeting:

• Type of service (funeral, celebration of life, graveside, private, none), and how or whether you want the funeral home and their staff to be involved
• Whether to purchase products like a casket or urn
• Cemetery or disposition arrangements
• Obituary details
• Ordering certified copies of the death certificate

An obituary typically includes:

• Full name, age, and date of death
• City of residence
• A brief biography — work, passions, what they were known for
• Survivors (spouse, children, siblings, grandchildren)
• Service details (date, time, location)
• Memorial donation preferences, if any

Where to publish:

• Your funeral home's website (usually included in their services)
• Local newspaper (fees vary; many papers now publish online only)
• Legacy.com or a similar memorial site
• Social media, if appropriate for your family

Who writes it: Your funeral home may offer to draft it, or you can write it yourself. Many families find writing it together — gathering memories from different people — to be a meaningful part of the process.

If you'd like help writing it, we can assist with that.

Still deciding on format? See your options here: Funerals, memorials, celebrations of life: Your service options

Event planning is a multi-step process. You don't need to decide everything at once. Start with venue and date. Everything else follows.

Logistics:

• Date and time — goes hand-in-hand with venue availability
• Venue — where you'll host the event
• Guest communication — invites and coordination; ask someone to help with this if you can
• Parking and accessibility — ask venues about their setup
• Out-of-town guest travel — could impact timing of your event
• Event planners and death doulas — can help with logistics and personalization
• Order of service — the structure of the event, may not be necessary for more casual gatherings

Your event may include one or more of the following:

• Officiant or celebrant — a person to lead the service
• Music — live, recorded, or both, music can be an important element for setting the tone
• Spoken remembrance — readings, eulogies, tributes
• Visual remembrance — photo/video slideshow, displays, memory tables
• Flowers and décor — can bring in personality and help set the tone
• Catering — sit down meals, buffets, or passed apps
• Bar service — beverages poured and served
• Program or printed materials — gives guests a sense of the structure, can act as a keepsake
• Keepsakes or favors — a meaningful item for guests to take home
• Photography — capture moments with loved ones who've gathered
• Livestream — allows guests to participate remotely
• AV/sound rental — may be necessary depending on venue and your needs

As service details come together, guests will have questions: Where is it? What time? Where should they stay? Is there a reception?

Designating a communications coordinator to handle these questions protects your energy for what matters most.

What the coordinator handles:

• Responding to calls and messages about service details
• Sharing the obituary and service information
• Coordinating with out-of-town guests about travel and accommodation
• Managing the guest book or online memorial page
• Collecting condolence messages to share with the family later

Common venue options:

Funeral home — most have a dedicated chapel or gathering space included in their services. Convenient and handled for you.

Place of worship — meaningful for religious families. Often familiar to the community. Confirm availability and any requirements with the clergy.

Event venue — restaurant private room, event space, community hall, winery, museum. Flexible and often includes catering.

Outdoor location — parks, gardens, beaches, family property. Suits celebrations of life and families who want a natural setting. Check permit requirements and have a weather contingency.

Private residence — intimate and personal. Best for small gatherings. Consider parking, space, and catering logistics.

What to confirm when booking:

• Capacity for your expected guest count
• Accessibility for elderly or mobility-impaired guests
• AV equipment (microphone, screen for photos)
• Parking
• Catering kitchen or outside catering allowed
• Cost and deposit requirements

A memorial service officiant or celebrant leads the service and helps guide family and guests through the ceremony. They may be:

• A religious leader (minister, priest, rabbi, imam) if the service has a religious dimension
• A civil celebrant — a trained professional who creates personalized, non-religious ceremonies
• A family member or close friend who is comfortable speaking publicly
• A funeral home staff member (some offer this service)

What to look for in a celebrant:

• Experience with memorial services
• Willingness to meet with family and learn about the person who died
• A style that matches the tone you want — formal, warm, personal, spiritual

Questions to ask:

• Have you led services like this before?
• How do you prepare? Will you meet with us?
• What is your fee?
• Are you available on our preferred date?

Floral arrangements for memorial services typically include some combination of:

• Casket spray — the primary arrangement placed on or near the casket
• Standing sprays — floor arrangements flanking the casket or altar
• Altar or table arrangements — centerpieces for the venue
• Personal flowers — corsages or boutonnieres for immediate family

Personalizing flowers:

• The deceased's favorite flowers or colors
• Flowers that reflect their personality or heritage
• Seasonal or locally grown flowers
• Arrangements that reflect cultural or religious traditions

Alternatives to flowers: Some families prefer to ask guests to make donations to a charity in lieu of flowers. This is a common and well-understood request — include it in the obituary if you'd like.

Cost range: Simple arrangements start around $150–300. A full floral design for a large service can reach several thousand dollars.

A reception after the service gives family and friends time to share memories and be together. It can be as simple or as elaborate as feels right.

Options:

• Light refreshments — coffee, tea, finger foods, dessert. Appropriate for any size gathering. Most common for post-funeral receptions.
• Seated meal — a full meal, more formal. Common for celebrations of life where family has traveled from out of town.
• Cocktail reception — passed appetizers and drinks, social atmosphere. Suits celebrations of life with a more festive tone.

Catering sources:

• Your venue may provide food and beverage service
• A restaurant or catering company
• Family and friends (potluck-style receptions are common and meaningful)
• A grocery store or deli for simple setups

What to confirm:

• Guest count estimate
• Dietary restrictions or allergies
• Setup and cleanup included?
• Serving staff needed?

Memorial keepsakes are physical objects that help family and friends remember and honor the person who died.

Common types:

• Photo book or album — a printed collection of photographs and memories. Can be created quickly using online services and distributed to family members.
• Memorial jewelry — pendants or rings incorporating cremated remains, a fingerprint, or a lock of hair. Intimate and wearable.
• Urn or vessel — the container for cremated remains. Options range from simple and understated to highly personalized works of art. If cremation was chosen, this is both a practical necessity and a keepsake.
• Custom artwork — painted portraits, illustrated memorial prints, or other commissioned pieces based on photos.
• Memorial candles, ornaments, or garden stones — smaller, distributable keepsakes for attendees.

Timing: Some keepsakes can be created before the service and displayed or distributed there. Others are ordered afterward. Don't feel pressure to decide everything now.

Music is one of the most personal elements of a memorial service. There are no rules.

Options:

• Recorded music — a playlist played before, during, or after the service. Simple and flexible.
• Live musician — a soloist, pianist, guitarist, or small ensemble. More personal and moving.
• Choir or ensemble — appropriate for religious services or larger gatherings.
• Guest participation — inviting attendees to sing together can be powerful.

What to consider:

• Songs the person loved or that were meaningful to them
• Songs that reflect their personality or life
• Songs that feel right for the tone you want — celebratory, reflective, spiritual, joyful

If using live music:

• Book early — musicians have limited availability
• Provide sheet music or recordings in advance
• Confirm sound system requirements with the venue

A memorial program (also called an order of service) is a printed document that guides attendees through the service and serves as a keepsake.

Typical contents:

• Name, dates, and a photo of the person who died
• Order of service (welcome, readings, music, eulogies, committal)
• Names of officiants, speakers, and musicians
• Lyrics to any songs guests will sing
• A brief biography or tribute
• Information about memorial donations

How to create one:

• Your funeral home may offer this as part of their services
• Online services like Canva, Evite, or dedicated memorial program sites offer templates
• A local print shop can produce them quickly

Quantity: Plan for the number of expected attendees plus 20–30 extras for family members who couldn't attend.